BrewDogging #69: St Pauli

That blue and red glow near the bottom of this tower block? That's BrewDog St Pauli. You can ignore everything above that, for now.You can almost imagine the board meeting at BrewDog plc. One of their execs is doing a PowerPoint presentation, pointing out that since they took over the former Stone brewery in Berlin there’s been a notable upswing in sales in Germany. It’s probably about time they opened another bar in the country. Maybe in Hamburg, perhaps?

Offscreen, we hear a quiet rhythm being beaten on the boardroom table, gradually increasing in volume: three beats, then a pause, then repeated. And as the camera turns towards James Watt and Martin Dickie at the other end of the table, we hear the vocal chant that accompanies their banging.

“Ree-per-bahn! REE-PER-BAHN! REE-PER-BAHN!

This (wholly imagined) chain of events will ultimately lead to The Belated Birthday Girl and me spending our first ever Christmas Day in a BrewDog bar: specifically one located in the St Pauli district of Hamburg, at the top end of the naughtiest street in Europe. Coincidentally, it’s the 69th bar we’ve visited. I thought this next sentence would more or less write itself, but it’s harder than it looks.

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Simian Substitute Site For February 2020: Monkey Business

Monkey BusinessMONTH END PROCESSING FOR JANUARY 2020

Art: I periodically maintain a small but perfectly formed list of the world's most outrageous disclaimers. To be fair, up until recently it only consisted of the opening caption of the 3D film Tron: Legacy, which waits until your ticket money's been successfully banked before telling you that only half of it's in 3D. But I can now add the publicity material for the exhibition Tutankhamun: Treasures Of The Golden Pharoah. Buried in the small print is a note explaining that the Pharoah's death mask - the image that comes into your head when you think of King Tut - isn't actually in the exhibition at all. The thing that looks like it on the posters is in fact a small replica used to hold some of his internal organs. Get past that disappointment, and this is actually a pretty great collection of beautifully detailed artefacts, making their way around the world one last time before they take up permanent residence back home in Egypt. Tutankhamun's visit to London in the 1970s was one of the first blockbuster gallery events, and the queues for this one initially appear just as hellish. But the material is ingeniously arranged around the Saatchi Gallery in a series of display cases with descriptive notes placed above them, allowing you to read the historical background as you shuffle towards the actual case itself. They say it's a 60-90 minute route around the gallery, but allow yourself two hours and you'll get to see everything without too much hassle. It's running in London till May 3rd, and then continuing its world tour from there.

Music: Presenting a story in five parts, spanning a period of 36 years.
1983: Fun Boy Three, featuring Terry Hall on vocals, release their album Waiting. It includes the song The Farmyard Connection, which subsequently makes it onto my 1983 Pick Of The Year compilation, Post-Apollonian, Pre-Dionysian.
1994: Terry Hall releases his solo album Home. It includes the song Forever J, which subsequently makes it onto my 1994 Pick Of The Year compilation, And You Sure As Hell Can't Sing.
1996: Nearly God - an act that is basically Tricky trying to get around his record company's insistence that they can only put out one album per year under his own name - release their album Nearly God. It includes the song Poems, featuring guest vocals by Terry Hall and Martina Topley-Bird, which subsequently makes it onto my 1996 Pick Of The Year compilation, We Are The Kids And We're Out Of Our Heads.
2019: The Specials, featuring Terry Hall on vocals, release their album Encore. It includes the song The Life And Times (Of A Man Called Depression), which subsequently makes it onto my 2019 Pick Of The Year compilation, Fearless. Ruthless. Cheerless. Clueless.
Also 2019: eleven hours and fifty-one minutes after I launch the competition to win a CD of Fearless... - i.e. still on the evening of Christmas Day - Dave writes in with a perfect summary of the preceding timeline, thus claiming the prize for himself like he always does. Dave: congratulations. Everyone else: DO BETTER.

Telly: I believe BBC Three is what the young people today have instead of actual television. (Or at least that's the BBC's plan, which may not quite live up to reality.) I'm here for Blindboy Undestroys The World, a series of four documentaries (plus a pilot made a year earlier) by Blindboy Boatclub of Rubberbandits and podcast fame. They're a fascinating collection of Blindboy's patented Hot Takes on the problems of modern life - the internet, modern slavery, work, anxiety - tricked out with undercover reporting, surreal pranks at the expense of wrongdoers, and a bastard of a talking fish called The Trout Of No Craic. It's a very similar mixture to the one Blindboy and his director/co-writer James Cotter were using on RTE a few years ago with their series of Rubberbandits Guides, reaching a peak with their show marking the centenary of 1916. My main concern here is that Cotter appears to have been forced to work to the BBC Three Yoof TV template: hyper-fast editing, gratuitous on-screen text, and a tendency to blow some of an episode's best surprises in an opening 'coming up...' montage. The result is a show designed to be split into bite-size shareable content, which I guess is what those young people want, but seems to be missing the point of making a half-hour show. Nevertheless, if you can get past the style, it's a good attempt at converting Blindboy's inquisitive podcast approach into a visual medium, although this apparently requires several minutes of legal disclaimers to be inserted after some of his strongest claims. We may not have realised that we needed a Dadaist John Oliver, but it's good to know that we have one now.

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Picks Of The Year 1982 - 2019: The Video Playlists

Picks Of The Year 1993 - 2008 inclusive. There isn't enough image space on the page to include them all, sorry.[Updated 15/01/2020 to include the playlist for 2019.]

At least one of the links below tells you the full story, so I won't go through it all again. But in brief: since 1982, I've been producing an annual series of Pick Of The Year compilations, collating my favourite tracks from that year's music releases. From 1982 to 1989, they were gargantuan twin-tape affairs: between 1993 and 1997, they were single 90 minute cassettes: and since 1998, I've been burning them onto CDs. (I didn't make compilations at the time for 1990-1992, but two decades later I created some CD-length ones as a best-guess approximation with the benefit/hindrance of hindsight.)

1998 was the year that I started writing about these compilations on the interwub, as they were being produced. The years before then have been subsequently been documented on this site, with a lot of ironic pointing and laughing at the sort of junk I used to listen to. Put all that together, and you've got a hefty collection of tracks covering my musical interests from 1982 to the present day.

And thanks to YouTube, you can hear most of them right now. The playlists below aren't complete, inevitably: some artists are less happy than others about letting their product be heard for free. But the vast majority of the songs I've chosen are there in some form or other - from official record company videos, to slapdash fan-made tributes consisting of a single still image with the song playing over the top. (I guess my own Felix Project videos fall somewhere in between those two stools.)

Anyway, you've got a couple of days' worth of music here that I've liked at one time or another. And I'll be updating this page each time I produce a new POTY compilation. Enjoy.

(For those of you who don't want to look at videos, there are also Spotify playlists available for each year, although they all have at least one track missing. See the relevant pages covering the years 1982-1989, 1990-1999, 2000-2009 and 2010-2017.)

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Simian Substitute Site For January 2020: Monkey Monk Brewing

Monkey MonkMONTH END PROCESSING FOR DECEMBER 2019

Comedy: Happy New Year, readers! Here comes the traditional hungover review of the New Year's Eve comedy show we watched last night. This time round, our options were limited: Ivor Dembina's Hampstead Comedy Club was taking one of its irregular years off, while Monkey Business was going for a more cabaret/burlesque approach which didn't quite fit our needs. So we chose for the first time to spend NYE with our chums at Good Ship Comedy, who've become our favourite London comedy club over the past few years. Ben Van Der Velde did his usual miraculous job as compere, spinning all manner of crazy nonsense out of his banter with the audience, and presiding over a bill that got better and better as the night went on. Josh Howie had some good lines that he was a little too keen to throw away casually: Jenny Collier had a nicely consistent set that built to a couple of great extended anecdotes: and Nathan Caton justified his headliner status by somehow being relaxed and hard-hitting at the same time. All this happened, as is usually the case with Good Ship nowadays, in the upstairs room of the Colonel Fawcett pub in Camden, where we got free entry to their end-of-the-decade party afterwards to see us through to midnight and beyond. Their intriguing promise to only play music from the Tenties broke down into a collection of old Motown and disco classics as we crossed into 2020: my attempt at a foolproof request to the DJ - "hi, I'm the oldest guy in the room right now, have you got any Janelle Monae?" - was met with blank incomprehension. Well, maybe next year.

Food & Drink: For those of you who like to keep tabs on it, The Bermondsey Beer Mile - the website co-run by The Belated Birthday Girl and myself, which documents London's most beard-and-vape-heavy bar crawl - continues to do a lot better than this one, even though it's updated even less frequently. We currently seem to be in some sort of two-updates-a-year groove, but hope to be more reactive to changes in the future. Anyway, we've just tweaked a few pages for the end of the year. A quick summary of news highlights for you - uBrew, the borrow-our-kit-to-make-your-homebrew outfit, has finally gone bust after several months of uncertainty: the cafe Secret Goldmine has just transitioned into a taproom for New Zealand brewery Yeastie Boys: and The Kernel is back in full force on the Mile with a new dedicated taproom of its own. As I said, we're hoping to update the site a bit more frequently in 2020, but just be warned that our plans for a dry and vegan January may initially have an impact on that.

Travel: At some point - maybe even this month, hopefully - I'll tell you all about what we did for Christmas. Suffice to say that we spent one night in Brussels immediately before it, and a full day and night in Brussels immediately after it. So: let's talk about Brussels. Inevitably, we spent some of our limited time there revisiting old haunts: a couple of visits to BrewDog Brussels (still surprisingly quiet), a night in Hotel The Moon (still cheap and cheerful, and their four euro breakfast is even more so), a stroll around the various delights of Christmas market extravaganza Winter Pret (though The BBG drew the line at this year's new attraction, The Kindness Machine - "by being scanned by a huge camera, the spectator will receive a personalized prediction of their altruistic acts"), a lunch at traditional favourite A La Mort Subite (so traditional I can't even qualify it with a parenthesised aside), and a visit to Bozar (the current Keith Haring exhibition predictably had gigantic ticket queues, but the free show of Yves Zurstrassen's work made up for that quite nicely). We also found two new beery places to add to our collection: The Hoppy Loft is a surprising craft beer outpost located above the Delirium Village complex of bars owned by the makers of Belgium's most famous loopy brew. while Nuetnigenough is a lovely restaurant with both an epic bottle list and a menu of dishes using beer. Culturally, our best discovery was the Fondation Jacques Brel, a multi-stranded archive of the great man's work: if you're limited on time, just go for the section Brel Chanteur, which lets you see three short documentaries and a concert film. Finally, our new favourite hotel within walking distance of BrewDog Brussels (sorry, The Moon) is 9 Hotel Central, which offers designer style at Premier Inn prices. Next time we visit the city, The BBG has asked me to remind her that she wants to check out the interesting-looking places on Rue de Flandre, which is why I'm mentioning it here.

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Fearless. Ruthless. Cheerless. Clueless.: Pick Of The Year 2019

Don't worry, *nobody* recognises the second one.There used to be a tradition here on Christmas Day. I'd post up a video of a newish Christmas song - this year, for example, it probably would have been this not-safe-for-work-or-family-gatherings romp - wish you season's greetings from myself and The Belated Birthday Girl, and we'd be all done in time for lunch.

Some of you will remember that I didn't do that last year. And I rather enjoyed what I did instead, to be honest. So, in what the young people today will not be calling a 'surprise drop', here's a CD-R's worth of my favourite songs of 2019, along with the usual competition to win a copy of the CD for yourself. Assuming your name's Dave, obviously. Merry Christmas!

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