London Film Festival 2024

At least they haven't repeated the 2023 dodge of making the printed programme half the size that it was the previous year.Daily updates now in progress.

If I can get my arse in gear – though to be honest, it feels like my arse stripped its gears quite some time ago – then at some point over the next 12 months I should have another book out. The last one, in case you’ve forgotten, was Spank’s LFF Diaries Volume Five: 2015-2019, so logically the follow-up should be Volume Six: 2020-2024. These words you’re reading right now will end up being the start of the fifth and final chapter.

The next few paragraphs are probably going to involve a lot of looking backwards and forwards simultaneously. Apologies for any whiplash caused.

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Edinburgh Festival 1989-2024: An Index

A hair salon, Edinburgh, 2005. Do you see what they did there? I admit it, the Edinburgh Festival coverage on this site is all over the place - a combination of REPOST pages written for the old site and ported over to here, SPANK GOLD pages written years after the event, and pages that were actually blogged live from Edinburgh as they happened. Anyone just diving into the Edinburgh folder will probably have a hard time working out where to find stuff.

Until now!

What follows is a set of links to the writeups of all the Edinburgh Festivals I've attended since 1989, plus a couple where Spank's Pals went up without me. (Which means nowt for 1993, 1997 or 2000, so don't look for them.) For each year I've included a vaguely chronological list of all the shows that are mentioned in the entry by name. I'm now having a minor freakout at just how many shows that is, but that's not your problem.

The plan is to update this index after every Festival, so this page will mostly remain at the top of the Edinburgh folder. If that's how you got here in the first place, welcome: feel free to browse through the pages linked to below. And if you like the reviews, maybe you'd like to pay me some money to own them in book form? See bottom of page for links.

(Updated October 8th 2024 to include 2024 reviews)

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Simian Substitute Site for October 2024: The Monkey Bread Tree Film Awards

The Monkey Bread Tree Film AwardsMONTH END PROCESSING FOR SEPTEMBER 2024

Movies: Francis Ford Coppola's Megalopolis is an absolute mess, obviously. But because it's made by a director who was responsible for four of the greatest movies of all time in the 1970s, you find yourself sticking with it like an abusive partner, thinking "I could fix them". How? I'd probably start by not letting 45 years elapse between coming up with the original concept and starting shooting. The basic idea is fair enough - a modern day depiction of the fall of Rome, as an analogue for the fall of America - but Coppola appears to have taken every single idea he's had in those 45 years and crammed it into his script, with no thought for relevance or quality control. At one point about halfway through, when I was just about getting on with it visually - though there's nothing here that really justifies an IMAX screen - I found myself wondering if Coppola could have left all the dialogue in unsubtitled Latin, to stop it distracting us from the images. But the images get more overloaded and less subtle - oh look, someone's carrying a Make New Rome Great Again placard - to the point where the ancient Roman artifact it most resembles is the movie of Caligula, which also thought that throwing More Stuff at the screen is a good enough substitute for Good Stuff (I don't mean the More Stuff that you're thinking of, obviously). Worst of all, there are enough ellipses in the story to suggest that he could still give us an extended cut if he lasts that long.

Music: As foretold in prophecy last month, we saw two more Proms at the start of September, and the recordings of them should still be on BBC Sounds for a few more days if you're quick - A French Fantasy and Handel's Messiah (the latter features the audience joining in for the Hallelujah Chorus, so The BBG and I are both audible in there somewhere). Meanwhile, here's another playlist of records I've been listening to this month, with YouTube videos also available for the cheapskates.

  1. Two Hearts - catching up on the back catalogue of my favourite act at this year's Edinburgh Fringe.
  2. David & Romany Gilmour - the acceptable face of nepo babies.
  3. Kneecap - if you haven't seen their film by now, what are you seeing at the cinema?
  4. The The - he's still a miserable bugger, but it's good to have him back.
  5. Anna Erhard - we've now got a full album of her complaining about petty grievances. Hooray!
  6. The Cure - very much a throwback to Disintegration, i.e. 7 minutes long and Bob doesn't sing till 3.5 minutes in.
  7. Anthony Szmierek - he's got that The Streets thing of creating a whole short story out of microscopic details.
  8. OneDa - you don't get that many full-on Manc accents in rap, much less female ones.
  9. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - still recovering from hearing the album the day before release at Pitchblack Playback.
  10. Kid Carpet - based on a true story, he says. And if you don't believe him, at least it's only 79 seconds long.

Television: I still don't understand how this works. Guy Montgomery has taken a ridiculously basic idea - get some comedians together in a room and challenge them to spell words - and has so far managed to create eighteen solid hours of light entertainment television from it. He started off doing the show in his native New Zealand, but here we're going to focus on the recently-aired Australian version of Guy Montgomery's Guy-Mont Spelling Bee. It's almost identical to the NZ version - same music, same set, same overall format - but it has a not-so-secret weapon in the form of Aaron Chen as Montgomery's assistant. He's a lot more disruptive than his Kiwi counterpart Sanjay Patel, getting several costume changes per episode and threatening to crash the whole thing with his low-energy roleplaying and terrible jokes. It's the closest thing to pure joy on television right now, and the main problem is that it's only on Australian television. There are official playlists of clips you can watch courtesy of ABC iView's YouTube channel, but unless you live there there's no way you can legally see whole episodes of the thing. Sorry.

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Spank's Edinburgh Diary, Postscript 2024

A bit late - more my fault than anyone else's, sorry - but here's the conclusion of our Edinburgh Festival 2024 coverage. As is now traditional, this is where I get to shut up for a bit and let a few of the Pals - Nick, The BBG and Charmian - write about their own personal highlights and lowlights. All three seem to be as enthused about the food and drink as they are about the shows (and in one case, possibly more so).

If you absolutely feel that I should be contributing something to this page, there's a short bit of video here that I shot at the LUCKYME Festival Closing Party in Summerhall. Like I said at the time, who needs recreational drugs on the dancefloor when you've got Barney's beer?

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